How to Be the Best-of-the-Best Trainer with Tina Frey.

Welcome to Public Speaking with Peter George. Do you want to be calm, confident, and credible every time you speak in public? Then stay tuned as we discuss public speaking tips, techniques, and tactics that help you increase your impact, influence, and income.

Facilitating a seminar or workshop is a form of public speaking — and like any other kind of presenting, it requires its own distinct set of skills. When organizations look to hire an instructor, they look for those who know the science of facilitation. But they only hire those who know how to use that science in an artful way. That, as my guest puts it, is the secret recipe. Tina Frey is a high-energy keynote speaker, author, coach, and facilitator who launched the BMW joint venture retail performance company after more than ten years within BMW North America. She has been in the learning and development industry since 1996 and has worked with organizations including HBO, Volkswagen, Mini, and IBM. Here's my conversation with Tina Clements.

What Makes a Facilitator the Best of the Best

Peter: Tina, facilitating is a form of public speaking, and doing it well is extremely difficult. What actually makes a facilitator the best of the best?

Tina: The ones who are not doing it to entertain. The ones who can present the information — and then get out of the way of the learner. That's it. It's challenging, it's focused, it's an art. You can bring some of you into it. Humanizing yourself to your audience is completely appropriate and you should do it. But it can't become the you show. I've hired many facilitators over the years, and you know within seconds whether someone is there to serve the art, or whether you should throw them a pair of tap shoes.

Myths About Facilitation

Peter: You talk often about the myths that keep facilitators from being the best they can be. What are some of them?

Tina: One is: I have to know everything. So many of us are hired to facilitate a message and feel we must come to the table with every possible answer. I see this constantly with product instructors hired to teach new automotive components to technicians. Yes, you need a solid education around your topic. But you don't have to know everything. You can use tools and techniques to get the audience engaged, and you can say with complete authority: that is a great question. Who knows the answer? Nobody? I'll find out and get back to you. Junior facilitators in particular feel like they have to know everything plus more. They don't. Knowing how to handle a question is not the same as knowing every answer.

Another myth — and this is probably my favorite — is: it's all about me. It has nothing to do with you. Your responsibility is to present the information and get out of the way of the learner. That means understanding adult learning styles, using question-back to involve the room, knowing which activities support different learning styles. The moment it becomes about you, you've lost the room.

Handling Hecklers

Peter: Some people just like to heckle a facilitator. Why? And how do you handle them?

Tina: A heckler is a baby in a big body. There are really a few distinct reasons. The first is needing to feel superior — that's the aggressive, chest-thumping type. The second is needing to be seen and heard — that's actually more like an eager puppy, the person who interrupts to share an answer or makes sure their hand is always the first one up. They just need validation. The third is someone who's having a genuinely terrible day and needs somewhere to put it.

For the aggressive or disruptive type, get them out of the room — even if it means manufacturing an early break to create a sidebar. Never have that conversation in front of the group. Go outside with them and ask: what's going on? Are you okay? Not accusatory — about root cause. I've done this in 25 years of facilitation, and when I have, people have sometimes broken down crying. A divorce. A sick family member. Whatever it is, it has nothing to do with you.

For the bored type, walk the room. Stand next to them. Almost every time, the person will quiet down — it's like being back in high school. If it continues, a light touch on the elbow — the one place that carries no ambiguity — can stop them in their tracks. And when in doubt, don't touch. But proximity almost always works first.

For the smarty pants — the one who knows everything and makes sure everyone knows it — pull them aside and say: you clearly have this covered. I think you should be teaching, quite frankly. Could you help me? Would it be okay if I call on you for specific things? That's all they wanted. Call on them once, typically. That's usually enough.

Creating a Fear-Free Environment for Participants

Peter: We've said several times that it's all about the audience. What role does fear play for participants, and how do we make them feel safe?

Tina: Control everything you can control. Start before they even arrive. Send a detailed logistics and expectations email — not just where to park, but every piece of minutia that could cause stress. Where to cross the street. Exactly how to find you. The first time you do this it's exhausting. But once you're in the habit, your clients will trust you and ask you back, because they don't have to think. That's your brand.

When they arrive, have music playing. Have the space branded so they know they're in the right place. Put something at the tables — a handout, a coloring sheet, a prop — so that introverts who aren't ready to engage have something to do. And never, ever cold-call someone who hasn't raised their hand. I have watched people shut down and disengage for the rest of a full-day event because a facilitator called them out in front of the room. Being called on unexpectedly to speak in front of people is not everyone's idea of a welcome experience. Start by being considerate. Every bit of communication that reduces uncertainty also reduces fear.

Managing Your Own Fear as a Facilitator

Peter: What about us as facilitators? What role does fear play for us, and how do we manage it?

Tina: I cannot hold a piece of paper when I walk on stage because my hand shakes so much the paper makes noise in the microphone. After all these years, knowing my content cold, I still feel it when I begin. So first: you're not alone. The myth that the pros don't get nervous is completely wrong.

Simon Sinek shares one of the best reframes I've encountered. He points out that when Olympic athletes are asked how they're feeling before an event, they say: I'm excited. Never nervous. The body's physical sensations for nervousness and excitement are identical — sweating, stomach butterflies, shaking. The only difference is the label you put on it. Shift from I'm so nervous to I'm excited, and say it out loud. There is a real, physical tension reduction when you do.

Beyond that: prepare way ahead, know your material well without over-rehearsing, walk the physical space before you begin to let your body acclimate, breathe deliberately, smile early and often — smiling releases dopamine and humanizes you to your audience simultaneously — and stay hydrated. Skip the extra caffeine on big days. And remember: nobody else knows your material. Nobody in the room knows what you were going to say next if you lose your place. Acknowledge the moment, recover, and keep moving. No one will notice the blip.

Peter: Tina, what's one final tip for our listeners?

Tina: Accept the fact that managing failure is your way to success. You're going to goof. You're going to go left when you should have gone right. You're going to say the wrong thing. Everyone has. The reason I'm so confident in what I do is because of the mistakes I made to get here. Embrace them, own them, learn the lesson, deploy what you learned, and then teach others. That's the whole game.

Peter: Where can our listeners learn more about you?

Tina: Visit rpcamerica.com — all of our information is there and you can reach me directly through the site.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Public Speaking with Peter George. Are you ready to be calm, confident, and credible every time you speak in public? Then visit petergeorgepublicspeaking.com and let's make it happen. I'll see you next time.