The 7 Secrets to Essential Speaking with Dr. Doreen Downing.

Welcome to Public Speaking with Peter George. Do you want to be calm, confident, and credible every time you speak in public? Then stay tuned as we discuss public speaking tips, techniques, and tactics that help you increase your impact, influence, and income.

Dr. Doreen Downing is a psychologist, founder of Essential Speaking, author of The Seven Secrets to Essential Speaking, and training director of Speaking Circles International. With more than 30 years of experience working with individuals and groups, she guides people on an inner journey to find their authentic voice and overcome the fear of speaking. Here's my conversation with Dr. Doreen Downing.

A Wounded Healer's Path to Essential Speaking

Peter: You're a trained psychologist. What made you get into helping people with their speaking anxiety?

Doreen: It has two parts. Early in my life, I cared for my mother, who was bipolar, and a younger sister. I came into this world with a challenge — and eventually a calling — around helping others live and thrive. Then, as a psychologist, I became fascinated with potential: what's within us that allows for more life, more joy. What about speaking? We speak all day long, yet something happens when we get in front of people. That curiosity deepened because I, too, suffered from public speaking anxiety. I'm a wounded healer.

Finding the Root Cause

Doreen: My book, The Seven Secrets to Essential Speaking, is different from traditional public speaking coaching. I help people go to the root cause. My own root was my mother's illness. My grandmother would tell my sister and me, "You've got to be quiet or your mother's going to go back to the hospital." We shut up. And I carried that — the sense that speaking up might cause something painful to happen to someone I love. So many people say, "I don't know why I get so anxious." I can take you there and help you heal those deeper wounds.

Secret #1: Be Still

Doreen: The first secret is be still — learn how to calm your body and calm your mind. One of the biggest fears speakers have is going blank. But when you're comfortable in stillness, you can simply say, "Where was I?" and move on naturally. Audiences are forgiving. We get wrapped up thinking they'll judge us, but we have to stop listening to that voice and start listening to the message we're meant to share.

Secret #2: Be Present

Doreen: With anxiety, something that happened in the past keeps pulling you back, or you're projecting yourself into the future. The practice of being present means bringing yourself to right here, right now, with your listener — one person at a time — the same comfort you feel in a one-on-one conversation.

Secret #3: Be Available

Doreen: Instead of "eye contact," I say eye presence — be available with your eyes. Soften your eyes. As you do that, your cheeks and shoulders drop. It's the quickest technique to get more relaxed when you start to feel nervous. It creates a welcome and a greeting rather than a harsh stare.

Secret #4: Be Attuned

Doreen: Be the biggest listener in the room. When we listen, we relax and open up. So how do you listen when all eyes are on you? You make each person feel that you're fully present to them — not performing for a crowd, but genuinely receiving one person at a time. Look at your listeners as if they each hold an empty glass, and your words are what you're going to pour into it.

Secret #5: Be Positive

Doreen: Being positive isn't about turning up the corners of your mouth. It's about connecting to the inner greatness, the inner magnificence that lives within you. I tell people: there's a jewel inside. Different people see different facets of it. But the positive spirit — the sense that you carry your own sunshine — is what reaches your audience when words alone cannot.

Secret #6: Be Connected

Doreen: Be connected to the most positive essence of who you are. And here's the secret within the secret: look for the good in every listener. Look at them and love them. When love comes from your heart and your eyes, even a highly technical presentation becomes more human, more genuine. Connection is human to human, deeper than words.

Secret #7: Be Yourself

Doreen: Everyone's best friend says, "Just be yourself." But the people we work with don't start out comfortable being themselves. That's the journey — finding yourself in such a way that you're free and comfortable. Then whatever you have to say becomes a whole different kind of expression.

Peter: Where can listeners learn more?

Doreen: Visit essentialspeaking.com to learn about my program. And if you'd like to connect personally, come to connectwithdoreen.com for a 15- to 30-minute conversation where we explore your situation and I offer whatever insight I can.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Public Speaking with Peter George. Are you ready to be calm, confident, and credible every time you speak in public? Then visit petergeorgepublicspeaking.com and let's make it happen. I'll see you next time.