The Speaking Superpower You Never Think About with Kym Dakin.

Welcome to Public Speaking with Peter George. Do you want to be calm, confident, and credible every time you speak in public? Then stay tuned as we discuss public speaking tips, techniques, and tactics that help you increase your impact, influence, and income.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t being heard—or that others in the room seem to command more respect than you? Kym Dakin says the reason just may be the way you use your voice. A working creative, coach, and trainer for almost 30 years, Kym specializes in theater and improv skills and high-impact experiential training through her company, Voice Into Learning. She is a founding member of the Portland Playback Theater and the author of Don’t Trust Your Ears. Here’s my conversation with Kym Dakin.

The Voice as a Source of Power

Peter: You suggested we talk about women raising their status in public speaking situations. Why that topic in particular?

Kym: I find, particularly working with younger and middle-aged women, that there are certain vocal tics they’re not aware of—tics they use to lower their status and make others feel larger by contrast. Our culture is very visually attuned. We don’t think about how someone’s vocal quality, tone, and word choice are impacting us. But women can absolutely raise their status if they know how to use their voice.

It Starts with Breath Control

Kym: For me, it starts with breath control—getting yourself on the same page as your audience, allowing yourself time and space to tune in to where they are. I get people to figure out what their beginning ritual needs to be. Inhale to a count of four, exhale to a count of six to eight. Do that a couple of times and your blood pressure slows down so you can be more present.

There’s also a great exercise: 5–4–3–2–1. Name five things you can see. Close your eyes and identify four things you can hear. Three things you can feel—bodily sensations. Two things you can smell. One thing you can taste. By the time you’ve gone through that, you’re in a far more present place. It gets you focused outside yourself and whatever’s going on in your head.

Power Stances and Power Mantras

Kym: I coach my clients—particularly women—to find a power stance and create a power mantra. Our physiology informs our reality, whether we’re aware of it or not. Sit back, place your hands behind your head, open up your chest, and suddenly you’re breathing differently and focused on what’s possible rather than the fire you’re trying to put out.

It’s Not About You—It’s About the Audience

Peter: I love the 5–4–3–2–1 exercise because it shifts your focus outward. We put way too much weight on ourselves—what if I screw up, what if I say the wrong thing—and that pressure feeds on itself.

Kym: Exactly. Create your presentation as if it’s a conversation—as if the audience is answering and speaking to you, because in actuality, they are. When you realize it’s not about you, you can find your confidence and actually have fun. And your audience knows when you’re having fun being with them.

Vulnerability Is the Key to Connection

Kym: Most of us have a hard time being vulnerable in front of strangers, but it’s really the key to having fun. Share a piece of your own authenticity. I remember a piano recital when I was 12—the bench was too close. I didn’t want to call attention to it, but something in me said, fix this. I stood up, pulled the bench out, and sat back down. That recital was one of the best I’d ever done because in taking charge of that one element, everything else could relax.

Speaking About Yourself and Your Accomplishments

Peter: Are women as apt to speak about themselves and their accomplishments as men are?

Kym: No—on all fronts. Part of the solution is simply knowing what you’re going to say. Figure out the three most important things you want your audience to know about you that lend credibility to what you’re saying—and sometimes it means memorizing it. Once you’ve gotten that out of the way, you can open up to a real conversation. If you walk into the room truly in charge of who you are and what you’ve accomplished, that goes a long way toward raising your status in any interaction.

Record Yourself—Then Watch with Compassion

Kym: Record your presentation on video and get used to watching yourself—with compassion, not judgment. You will learn an enormous amount. If you take 20 minutes a day for a week before your presentation just to work on it, I guarantee you’re going to hit it out of the park. We have the best tool ever invented for speakers: the phone. Prop it up and hit record. The more you watch, the easier it gets—and the more you improve.

Peter: Kym, where can listeners learn more about you?

Kym: Visit me at kymdakin.com—that’s K-Y-M-D-A-K-I-N dot com. You can also find me on LinkedIn.

Thank you for listening to this episode of Public Speaking with Peter George. Are you ready to be calm, confident, and credible every time you speak in public? Then visit petergeorgepublicspeaking.com and let’s make it happen. I’ll see you next time.